Take a hint, Mom

Last night, I was on the computer searching for and booking a hotel for an upcoming trip that I had to get done last night. I kept trying to do my best to engage Cooper while I was busily searching. I would read him the hotel rates, locations, and amenities, etc. but still felt bad for being pre-occupied but it had to be done right then. He kept walking up to me with that toothy grin, bringing me random books and toys he probably hoped I'd play with. :(

I frantically finished the search and found and booked a place. Meanwhile, I had heard Cooper moving around in his room and it sounded like he was searching through the closet. As I was finally entering my credit card info, he walks up to me and hands me a shirt that was tucked away in the far corner of his closet where the hand me downs for next year are hung(Thanks Shantell & Caleb!). And the shirt said.........

"I want My Mummy!"

Of course I find more meaning in things than I probably should but how perfect was that timing? That boy got more hugs and kisses than he ever wanted and will probably think that he should always bring me shirts from his closet now since it made me so happy.

Stomach bugs

The past two days have been filled with unmentionable stomach issues, hours cuddled under numerous comforters trying to fight off the fever chills, extreme exhaustion, and the fear that I may drop my child if I tried to pick him up because I was so weak. I wondered what was wrong with me since my family and immediate co-workers did not have any issues...maybe I had food poisoning or some rare intestinal disease...or an ulcer from worrying about rare diseases anytime someone I love gets sick.

Upon my return to the electronic world, I've discovered an inbox I don't want to tackle and 9 people in my circle of friends/co-workers who've suffered through the past 2 days just as I have! NINE people. This is just the people I've had the opportunity to talk to so far today. Some were friends at a party and others weren't there nor did any of us have direct contact. I'm always so flabbergasted at how quickly/voraciously these types of bugs pass! I wouldn't wish that kind of sickness upon anybody so if I've come into contact with you directly or indirectly....I'm SORRY!

And....if you've been sick too tell me so I can add you to my list of sick people to be amazed about.

A Post from Stoppage Lead Palin

I'm sure you've all heard Sarah Palin's children's names and they are quite interesting. This by no means should indicate my political preference, its just funny!
Go to the Sarah Palin baby name generator. It gives you your name if Sarah Palin were your mother.

Its really hard being back at work today in the dreary, rainy weather after such a great weekend with my speedwalking son Trowel Ogre Palin and his wonderful Daddy, Thump Hummer Palin, so I was glad to run across something that was mildly humorous.

Sundry thoughts

I am an overthinker and overanalyzer hence the reason I hardly ever post blogs, it has nothing to do with the lack of content, just can't figure out how to make things concise or just pick one topic! So, I'm just going to write a few things that are in my head today in bullet format. Why? Because I know everyone is waiting around with bated breath to read the latest installment of my blog.


-Nobody blogs anymore, hardly any of my friends are posting and I miss it! Come on guys!!! I dare you!!!


-My son is an incredibly sweet, lately moody toddler boy who has unknowingly discovered new paths and crevices in my heart and filled so many of the empty holes.


-Being close to 30 is so much better than being in my early, or even mid-20's. Things are so much easier now, having a more rational vision of what life should be, knowledge that life, myself, and others cannot live up to my expectations, and being at peace with that (most of the time).


-Increasingly annoyed with those who often use the phrase "are we still in high school?" and act the most adolescent. Although I've been guilty of this in the past.


-I'm intentionally trying to ignore the economic/political turmoil in our country. Ignorance is bliss, right? How irresponsible of me as a voting citizen!


-Anybody know how long cows milk stays safe to drink if not in the fridge? i.e. in a sippy cup for hours?

My Quest for selflessness, Grace, and REST

My vision of myself as a mother is not the woman I was last night. A few nights of 4 a.m. wakings mixed with female issues do not a happy Mommy make.
He did not fall asleep until near 11, I did not until near midnight. Then, the dreaded 2 a.m. wake up whine came...and it all went downhill from there. He was fussy at first, surely because of another evil tooth on the verge of arrival, so I gave him ibuprofen expecting he would soon feel better and be able to rest again. His plans were different, he felt better and he wanted to play! I tried my hardest to (gently) force him back to sleep for another hour, to no avail. At one point I contemplated letting him cry it out, but I wasn't built for that, some nights I wish I was. I melt at the sound of his or any child's cries, they are truly heart-wrenching to me, I sometimes wish I was a little less emotional and affected by things like that and some days I'm glad I'm so overly sensitive.

By then, it had been 2 hours already and I was cranky, to say the least. I took him out to the living room thinking maybe he hadn't had enough dinner and was hungry. I got him some Cheerios and we sat and read a book and were peaceful for a while, until he started to throw the Cheerios on the floor and try to stuff them into the couch creases...the boy is one year old and rules and commands like "No!" don't really register completely with him but I proceeded to tell him no, but I didn't just tell him, I yelled at him...several times. He looked at me with this confused and forlorn face, like "but, I thought we were having fun?" It was really an eye-opening incident for me. I don't want to be that mother who yells at her kids when its really unecessary, I've seen it in action and not only is it nerve-wracking but its counterproductive in most situations. So, I sat there staring at that doe-eyed little angel who brings me more happiness than I could ever imagine and he smiles and kisses me....how beautiful and forgiving these little creatures are.

By the grace of God, Steven woke up and told me to sneak back in the bedroom and get some sleep. I could hear Cooper in there squealing and squawking with delight....at 4:30 in the morning! He and I were running on 2-3 hours of sleep and I have no clue how he was still going! Steven brought him back to me around 5, and he proceeded to want to play and dawdle until he finally passed out around 6...when my alarm goes off. I got up and left a voicemail for my amazingly understanding (male!) boss that I would be in late. So, I did get another 2 hours of sleep.
This boy has been a super-sleeper for a while now, barring any teething nights or illnesses, and I sat there contemplating what might be causing his restlessness and wakefulness but came up with nothing besides new teeth.

What I did come up with is guilt for not being the kind of Mom I really want to be in this situation...and in many nighttime situations. I want to be calm, nurturing, caring, and selfless. I want to be concerned more with his health, happiness, and well-being than I am with my impending 6 o'clock alarm buzzing. I want him to know that his Mommy will be there for him when he's uncomfortable and doesn't feel good or can't sleep....I don't want to be B@*$^y and impatient and worried about surviving and being halfway coherent at work on 2 hours of sleep. Other women have had to do it, and some do it with grace too....its just part of being a Mom, right? I pray and have prayed that someday (sooner than later) I'm able to find that grace and selflessness and just accept that this is bound to happen and surely will many more times in his life. It just doesn't seem like nocturnal gracefulness was ever in my cards, I'm too much of a sleep-lover.

From the words of my dear friend Tressa, his youth is only a 'short season in' my life and I will miss it when its gone, so I need to appreciate every little nighttime kiss and hug and cuddle while I can get it, even if I'm missing sleep, right?

Whille I may regret publicizing my meanness for all the world to see, my excuse is sheer exhaustion and the effects of only 4 broken hours of sleep. Plus, I thought if I blogged about it, I'd have to hold myself accountable to being a better nighttime Mom. :)

For my superbly, genuinely talented friend

Remember:

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."


Don't give up on what you're meant to do because others are unable to find their own path and must follow yours!

The New Classics

I have so missed reading over the past few years. I went from being in school and having time only for reading textbooks, to being pregnant and only wanting to read pregnancy books, to having a baby and having time for nothing other than baby.

Oddly, in this age of horrifyingly high gas prices, I am thankful for my hour-long commute each way. Why? Because I've discovered the wonderful world of audiobooks! I am seriously obsessed and cannot read (listen to) them fast enough. I actually look forward to my drive everyday. No, more than look forward to it...I am excited for it, I crave it. Thank you audiobooks, you've changed my life! :)

So, I came across this list of the "New Classics," and this blog challenging everyone to read at least 6 books they haven't previously read from the list between August 1, 2008 and January 31, 2009.

Anyone else want to join me?

I've highlighed the books I've read in bold; I am planning to read the books in red.



1. The Road , Cormac McCarthy (2006)
2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, J.K. Rowling (2000)
3. Beloved, Toni Morrison (1987)
4. The Liars' Club, Mary Karr (1995)
5. American Pastoral, Philip Roth (1997)
6. Mystic River, Dennis Lehane (2001)
7. Maus, Art Spiegelman (1986/1991)
8. Selected Stories, Alice Munro (1996)
9. Cold Mountain, Charles Frazier (1997)
10. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, Haruki Murakami (1997)
11. Into Thin Air, Jon Krakauer (1997)
12. Blindness, José Saramago (1998)
13. Watchmen, Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons (1986-87)
14. Black Water, Joyce Carol Oates (1992)
15. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Dave Eggers (2000)
16. The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood (1986)
17. Love in the Time of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez (1988)
18. Rabbit at Rest, John Updike (1990)
19. On Beauty, Zadie Smith (2005)
20. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding (1998)
21. On Writing, Stephen King (2000)
22. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, Junot Díaz (2007)
23. The Ghost Road, Pat Barker (1996)
24. Lonesome Dove, Larry McMurtry (1985)
25. The Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan (1989)
26. Neuromancer, William Gibson (1984)
27. Possession, A.S. Byatt (1990)
28. Naked, David Sedaris (1997)
29. Bel Canto, Anne Patchett (2001)
30. Case Histories, Kate Atkinson (2004)
31. The Things They Carried, Tim O'Brien (1990)
32. Parting the Waters, Taylor Branch (1988)
33. The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion (2005)
34. The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold (2002)
35. The Line of Beauty, Alan Hollinghurst (2004)
36. Angela's Ashes, Frank McCourt (1996)
37. Persepolis, Marjane Satrapi (2003)
38. Birds of America, Lorrie Moore (1998)
39. Interpreter of Maladies, Jhumpa Lahiri (2000)
40. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman (1995-2000)
41. The House on Mango Street, Sandra Cisneros (1984)
42. LaBrava, Elmore Leonard (1983)
43. Borrowed Time, Paul Monette (1988)
44. Praying for Sheetrock, Melissa Fay Greene (1991)
45. Eva Luna, Isabel Allende (1988)
46. Sandman, Neil Gaiman (1988-1996)
47. World's Fair, E.L. Doctorow (1985)
48. The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver (1998)
49. Clockers, Richard Price (1992)
50. The Corrections, Jonathan Franzen (2001)
51. The Journalist and the Murderer, Janet Malcom (1990)
52. Waiting to Exhale, Terry McMillan (1992)
53. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, Michael Chabon (2000)
54. Jimmy Corrigan, Chris Ware (2000)
55. The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls (2006)
56. The Night Manager, John le Carré (1993)
57. The Bonfire of the Vanities, Tom Wolfe (1987)
58. Drop City, TC Boyle (2003)
59. Krik? Krak! Edwidge Danticat (1995)
60. Nickel & Dimed, Barbara Ehrenreich (2001)
61. Money, Martin Amis (1985)
62. Last Train To Memphis, Peter Guralnick (1994)
63. Pastoralia, George Saunders (2000)
64. Underworld, Don DeLillo (1997)
65. The Giver, Lois Lowry (1993)
66. A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again, David Foster Wallace (1997)
67. The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini (2003)
68. Fun Home, Alison Bechdel (2006)
69. Secret History, Donna Tartt (1992)
70. Cloud Atlas, David Mitchell (2004)
71. The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, Ann Fadiman (1997)
72. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, Mark Haddon (2003)
73. A Prayer for Owen Meany, John Irving (1989)
74. Friday Night Lights, H.G. Bissinger (1990)
75. Cathedral, Raymond Carver (1983)
76. A Sight for Sore Eyes, Ruth Rendell (1998)
77. The Remains of the Day, Kazuo Ishiguro (1989)
78. Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert (2006)
79. The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell (2000)
80. Bright Lights, Big City, Jay McInerney (1984)
81. Backlash, Susan Faludi (1991)
82. Atonement, Ian McEwan (2002)
83. The Stone Diaries, Carol Shields (1994)
84. Holes, Louis Sachar (1998)
85. Gilead, Marilynne Robinson (2004)
86. And the Band Played On, Randy Shilts (1987)
87. The Ruins, Scott Smith (2006)
88. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby (1995)
89. Close Range, Annie Proulx (1999)
90. Comfort Me With Apples, Ruth Reichl (2001)
91. Random Family, Adrian Nicole LeBlanc (2003)
92. Presumed Innocent, Scott Turow (1987)
93. A Thousand Acres, Jane Smiley (1991)
94. Fast Food Nation, Eric Schlosser (2001)
95. Kaaterskill Falls, Allegra Goodman (1998)
96. The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown (2003)
97. Jesus’ Son, Denis Johnson (1992)
98. The Predators' Ball, Connie Bruck (1988)
99. Practical Magic, Alice Hoffman (1995)
100. America (the Book), Jon Stewart/Daily Show (2004)