I remember those good ole days of sleeping in until noon or sometimes after because I had stayed up so late the night before...and thinking "Man, I'm so sleep deprived." Or coming into work after not being able to get to sleep until midnight or later and complaining to co-workers how unbelievably tired I was.....I didn't have a clue.
Now that I'm in the throes of a 9.5-month old with a tooth that is perpetually "just about to cut through," who woke me up numerous times last night unable to sleep through the pain, I realize 1) How stinking lucky I was, rest-wise, back then, and 2) How incredibly sleep-deprived I was the first 3 or 4 months of Cooper's life.
I find it so strange that I'd never really heard anyone talk about how serious sleep deprivation is. You can't function or create complete thoughts properly, and it just puts you into this haze where you feel like you're no longer a contributing part of the living world. I guess other mothers don't want to scare new Moms by telling them how truly hard this is, or maybe its just not something you can properly put into words...or maybe they try and block that all out. Truly, its nothing you can ever properly prepare for unless you've got a live-in nanny or family that lives close-by and are able to help out. Even then, if you're nursing, there's not much relief.
Trying to find compassion for your hungry/hurting/helpless child when all you want to do is close your eyes is so frustrating. I have found myself praying at night for God to give me the patience and sympathy to help Cooper instead of groaning at him when I was really exhausted.
I still sometimes find myself jealous/resentful of my husband's uninterrupted, lenghty rest and have found myself intentionally being louder than necessary in the hopes of interrupting his sleep too. Am I just plain evil or is this common? I'm pretty sure its something a lot of mothers secretly do but don't always admit. (I hope Steven doesn't read this).
Two of my good friends had babies after I did and when they sent me pictures, I saw these two and thought "Wow, there's a picture of me with those same tired eyes." But, you'll notice the blissful smiles we all have too! This is what gets us through...this unfathomable love for our little munchkins.
Renee & Kirsten
Tara & Ryeland
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