I spent Thursday blowing through things at work, getting things accomplished, preparing for our transitions, tackling projects that had piled up while things are slow during Chinese New Year. I had our budget set out for the next few months and things are looking great. Cooper is in the care of his Daddy and then one of the most genuine, loving, wonderful people I've ever met. My working mother guilt is quelled for the time being because I know he's extremely well taken care of.
Then I get the call from Steven saying they cut his hours and he will now be working days. We had a sneaking suspicion something like this might happen but I didn't really believe it-he's been working nights for the entire 9 years we've been together. How is that possible? What will we even do? Will we even know how to act around eachother in the evenings? Not to mention the paycut for not having a night differential.
The worst part is how this all affects Coopy...not only will his schedule change drastically from the toddler night shift of sleeping 9 pm to 10 am, but we will have to find a new caregiver situation for him-a daunting task as any other working mother knows. This will also lead to his bedtime being much earlier, thus decreasing my time with him, which makes me the saddest. We had a good little routine going there.
So now we're once again in the market for a new sitter/daycare, so if anyone has any leads, let me know!
I'm allowing myself a few days of being whiny about this, and then I will suck it up and move on. We are still very blessed and appreciative of what we have, just concerned about the logistics of it all. Things like this happen for a reason and we will make it through. This economy is really hitting home-seems like everyone is affected by it now.
Meanwhile all three of us have been on the verge of being sick this week.
Meanwhile didn't we get a new president or something of extreme importance this week?
Friday, January 23, 2009
Too much change-Part 1
Just last week I actually had the thought that everything was in its right place, we are so blessed and fortunate to have the life we have. I still feel this way, but not so much the 'in its right place' part.
Do you remember this chart from school? Well, I believe I've run through each and every one of these feelings this week.
I had a feeling of foreboding, this internal stress that was eating away inside of me all weekend-I knew something was wrong. I kept telling Steven there would be big changes at MY work this week and my nerves were already fried.
Monday started with a serious bang. With the popping in every few minutes of coworkers telling me who had been let go, and the list seemed never-ending. People you never would have imagined losing their jobs and some who half expected it. My closest confidant was home sick, my stoic boss seemed frazzled, and the rest of us were left feeling like sitting ducks. I was literally shaking and everytime someone came by with new news I expected it to be someone leading me to the chopping block. When my boss was taken behind closed doors by our big boss, I knew that it was one of our turns. My single mother co-worker called me and we voiced our fears, knowing that the inevitable was about to happen. She said she didn't know what she'd do if it was her because she had no help to raise her daughter and herself. I then went to the restroom and on my way back, I saw her waiting for an elevator and she said quietly "Its me, they called me down to HR." I was dumbstruck and didn't know what to say. I naively waited for her to walk back by my office so I could offer a hug or at least say goodbye, but she never did and I realized they wouldn't let her come back up when I saw someone walk by with her purse.
Word was that everyone who would be gone was gone before lunch so there was a small sense of relief, but you could see the sadness and exhaustion in the remaining people's eyes. After lunch I was called in to talk about my new responsibilities and other changes. And when I say changes, I'm talking CHANGES. While this is a great opportunity for me and some of my other talented peers to advance along with exploring and learning different categories-its all quite an adjustment for all of us, but we welcome it. I will no longer have my great boss and can't help but feel mournful for all of the co-workers I lost but I do recognize the huge blessing this is for me especially in times like these.
For about a day and a half, this led to another false feeling of everything being in its right place....
Do you remember this chart from school? Well, I believe I've run through each and every one of these feelings this week.
I had a feeling of foreboding, this internal stress that was eating away inside of me all weekend-I knew something was wrong. I kept telling Steven there would be big changes at MY work this week and my nerves were already fried.
Monday started with a serious bang. With the popping in every few minutes of coworkers telling me who had been let go, and the list seemed never-ending. People you never would have imagined losing their jobs and some who half expected it. My closest confidant was home sick, my stoic boss seemed frazzled, and the rest of us were left feeling like sitting ducks. I was literally shaking and everytime someone came by with new news I expected it to be someone leading me to the chopping block. When my boss was taken behind closed doors by our big boss, I knew that it was one of our turns. My single mother co-worker called me and we voiced our fears, knowing that the inevitable was about to happen. She said she didn't know what she'd do if it was her because she had no help to raise her daughter and herself. I then went to the restroom and on my way back, I saw her waiting for an elevator and she said quietly "Its me, they called me down to HR." I was dumbstruck and didn't know what to say. I naively waited for her to walk back by my office so I could offer a hug or at least say goodbye, but she never did and I realized they wouldn't let her come back up when I saw someone walk by with her purse.
Word was that everyone who would be gone was gone before lunch so there was a small sense of relief, but you could see the sadness and exhaustion in the remaining people's eyes. After lunch I was called in to talk about my new responsibilities and other changes. And when I say changes, I'm talking CHANGES. While this is a great opportunity for me and some of my other talented peers to advance along with exploring and learning different categories-its all quite an adjustment for all of us, but we welcome it. I will no longer have my great boss and can't help but feel mournful for all of the co-workers I lost but I do recognize the huge blessing this is for me especially in times like these.
For about a day and a half, this led to another false feeling of everything being in its right place....
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